when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
