I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
