So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
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I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
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They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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