So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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