I puked a lego.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
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He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??