when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you