I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.