you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
