Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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