I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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