NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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