Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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