Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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