Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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