then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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