You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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