Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
