I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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