Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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