I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
