FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
