There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
