Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
