my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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