before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
