Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
