So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
