We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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