I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
