Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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