come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
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Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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