hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The air taste purple.
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