It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
