Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If I die, sorry about rent.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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