There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
