Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
