No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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