just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
