Swine flu. Run for my life!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
