I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
