You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
