so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
