i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
