Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
