i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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