Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
