It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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