i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
