dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
