Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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