He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
