I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My friends, they love my intelligence
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
