I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
