hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
