Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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