I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
