Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
