Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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