I didn't shave. On purpose
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
