all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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