Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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