i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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