I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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