dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
