i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
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As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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