i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
