All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
