a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
