So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
