Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
