he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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