Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize