he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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