Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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