omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
