This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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