She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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