She said her name was "party"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
